Archive for the Uncategorized Category

幾分

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25, 2016 by Michelle Kwek

不管昨天 你對我說過了什麼 今天的我還是依然 依然沉默
兩個人生氣著 看著誰先捨不得 何必這樣 來試探我們的緣份

*不管昨天 我對你說過了什麼 今天的你還是依然 依然自我
 問著要到什麼時候 才會覺得無法忍受
 難道這樣 才證明愛得有多深

#所以愛有幾分 這是你不停的疑問
 你的心裡對我有多認真 何必執著在我的部份
 所以愛有幾分 這是你永遠的疑問 只有最後 一切才有定論

沒有值不值得 當失去了有什麼好爭
就在轉身之後 我的不捨有多麼的真

所以愛有幾分 這是你不停的疑問
你的心裡對我有多認真 何必執著在我的部份
所以愛有幾分 這是你永遠的疑問 只有最後 一切才有定論
只有最後 一切才有定論

One of the best decisions – Playhouse 2015

Posted in Uncategorized on December 13, 2015 by Michelle Kwek

Is it normal to have such bad withdrawal symptoms cause everytime something ends, this emptiness kicks in and I’m just.. aiyo EMPTY.

It has ended:( but we WON so it ended on a good note:) teehee. Now time to consolidate everything. Wow haven’t blogged in ages took so long to find the option for a new post:/

So I guess it all started in May this year when we had to vote which storyline we wanted i think. and to be honest, I didn’t care heh, never cared anyway. hahah.

But then when playhouse signups were open in July I thought maybe it’s time to make some medicine friends since I barely have any after committing 3 years to KE:) so just anyhow like sets and props?? hahahaha. then I think it was during one of ifg trug training sessions when Grace casually asked if I wanted to try playhouse dance and woah the secret desire to become a “dancer” in me was BURNING. hahahahha so just jio soph and van to try lah and so TADAHHHH we became “dancers” for 3-4 months? hahahah but I guess van was originally a dancer already.

I’ll never forget the first practice in Sept at KE dance studio on a friday. Heh didn’t know what to wear so just anyhow wear like go training like that. entering the dance studio was terrifying, seeing all the KE med dancers and those zai people with dancing background. I just wanted to run away. but hey, must try first at least after being so thick-skinned to sign up for ADVANCE dance HAHA. so we warmed up then suddenly Grace said do abs and memories of Israel abs moments flashed before me. I died before the abs work out started. ahahahahha. after it barely started everyone was whining and groaning. bahahah unforgetful man. and wow arms, that day i was just dying and there was no double-time YET. but already dead. ahahhaha. and then the choreo started. honestly I had no idea what I was doing, I could not even listen out for the beat of the music:(

and so many practices like this went by. Limbo started as well which was a bit more fun at the start and there was Janine and tian to make it more crazy. hahahaha those idiots could not stop laughing at me:(

watching lights practices also made me regret a bit not trying for it but I’m kinda glad I didn’t join it and screw it up heh.

so then cleaning started and woah kept getting called out by Grace cause my dancing is just not evening dancing. hahahahahaha but it was fun and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Playhouse was nearing and practices became more frequent but all the time I was just so thankful I signed up for this and every day, yes, every day of the not-so-pathetic year, I looked forward to the next dance practice, seeing everyone and just soaking in the atmosphere and being called a DANCER. hahaha like “DANCERS gather”. hahahahaha SHIOK:)

okay actually when I was bathing I had a lot of things in my mind I wanted to blog about but now that I am actually typing out, with the Playhouse dance soundtracks playing, I’m just so full of emotions, quite choked up, and my thoughts are just so jumbled up leading to this incoherent post.

to be honest, I felt a bit sad like only being able to dance a small part of best friends. but after screwing up limbo today, I cannot be more thankful that I was not given a chance to screw up more. sighs. but i guess those who were just watching could not really spot the mistake although it was so obvious or maybe they just tried to make me feel better:/

Cannot be prouder of best friends. The chorus was so neat, vast difference from yesterday’s bump in. on stage, dancing to the chorus, it just felt so good and everyone was in sync, I was so so so happy performing it. I don’t even know what to say, just that I am grateful that I could be part of it:)

Lights dance was awesome and I’m glad we managed to pull the cloth off. hahahaha can I say it was our only good run? hahahahah yay CG effort. think I got a bit too protective over the cloth I brought it home accidentally oops.

The only thing I would like to have dance is to take a dancers group shot, and also a best friends group shot with our best friend’s costume. I really loved the look:)

Before I end off this rather disjointed post like some comminuted fracture, I would like to thank a few people.

Grace: Thank you for putting the thought of joining dance in my head. The whole experience was simply magical and I would not give it up for anything and definitely would never have joined if someone else were the dance head. Thank you for putting up with my countless mistakes and being so patient with my inadequacy and lack of rhythm sense. Heh even having to put up with my endless bugging. Thank you for leading dance and choreo-ing such fun dances. Doubt anyone has a clue on what you have been going through the past 5/6 months? So thank you, hope we have made you proud:)

Vanessa: thanks for letting me have company during all the sessions and making me laugh every session. your presence at each practice made me look forward to dance and I am glad that we got to see each other 1-2x a week thanks to playhouse dance. Good job van for all the dances, dam nice lah:)

Sophia: hahaha thanks soph for letting me have something/someone to laugh at:) it was really fun dancing with you although it meant seeing you 6x a week if I went to school all the 5 weekdays:) thanks for helping with make up and all:)

NOOBS: thanks to playhouse dance I got to see you guys so often. Won’t ever get tired of you guys teehee and I always feel so loved:) you guys made limbo practices a hell lot more fun!! great job on the acting!! my parents loved it:)

Bro: Hey bro!! ahhahaha *fist bump* thank you for always waiting for me to end practices and going home with the smelly me. Thank you for watching the countless videos of the same dance. Thank you for enduring my singing of “mmm whatchu sayyyyy-eehhh” and the slapping of my hands. Thank you for being proud of me when I do my embarrassing imitation of the contemp chorus, and for laughing at me when I did it in front of the istana. Thank you for tolerating me when I suddenly stop in my tracks just to do a random eight of the the choreo. and now I have to endure you crossing your arms and slapping the back of your palms like the “mmm-whatchu say’eh” part of best friends. AHHAHAHA. thank you for being so so supportive and encourgaing:)

Yay good job everyone in M4 Playhouse 2015. I had so much fun and hope you guys did too!!

Now what do I look forward to with no more practices:( haiyooooo, suddenly won’t see some people as often anymore. going to cry byebye:(

p.s. waiting for photos to post with this.

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FOGNOT: Rgsquashers to Playhouse “Dancers”

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NOOBS: teehee I always feel so loved

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Retards who never fail to make me laugh

 

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Best friends: POINT

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It’s overrrrrrrr:’)

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Teammates to best dance instructor and pathetic student:)

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Hope you do not regret not kicking me out:)

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Thank you for everything<3

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Thanks for coming down KE Trug:)

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CG4 with only 5 present at any one time, always

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Thanks bro *fist bump*

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Receiving flowers and notes after a performance – first and last time:’)

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I AM AN ARTISTE!! Sorry but I did not mean to bring this back:/ Will return it tmr!!

 

Already missing playhouse and everyone so much!! so tired but hearts so full:) but my week so empty:(

-Edit-

yay glad the cloth turned out well after seeing the video:) at least there was something I did not do wrong. heh.

 

The greatest weapon

Posted in Uncategorized on July 18, 2015 by Michelle Kwek

Comparison. It is the greatest weapon. Of course it could be used well like if we were to compare ourselves with the lesser fortunate, we will realised how blessed we are to have what we have. But we are only human, always comparing with the better days, acting like we are having shit days and what not. Comparison can influence your mood more than you can imagine. Just thinking back to taiwan days, the best week of my life, to now school makes school really like shit. So why then am I taking the weapon and stabbing myself. Rather pointless eh. Self-inflicted. Instead of always reminding myself the good days I had in hall, move on kwek. Treasure those memories but move on you retard.

1 week of M4 has ended. It was not exactly xiong since it was such a short week but drained I feel. Need to find a different source of strength this year since I have no more trug and neighbours:(

Time.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2015 by Michelle Kwek

If I could throw time into the DVD player, I’ll put the last 2 years on replay mode.. more specifically the last 1 month, even if it means having to take pros again and again every month:) afterall, should be the same questions I guess, and the same unpreparedness:/

Now a year later, wearing the same clothes, with a larger luggage, the same 1 month, a different destination, with a heavier heart. Osaka, here we come!

The moon is round, this will be a good IHG

Posted in Uncategorized on January 11, 2015 by Michelle Kwek

Indeed, “the moon is round, this will be a good IHG” (Captain Sherlyn, 7 Jan 2015)

Best result in my 3 Touch IHGs, 3rd KE, we have done ourselves proud and for once, achieved the goal we set for ourselves.

Just 2 posts ago, it was about Touch IHG 13/14. Something I wrote in tears, tears of regret and disappointment for myself and in myself, but still honoured to have lead such an awesome team. Now writing this, it is with tears of joy and pride of KE Trug. Yes, I do still have regrets having made more mistakes this year than the previous 2 IHGs but I guess I am only human and mistakes are inevitable (except for humans who are not like humans, erhem YI NING). But I am thankful I managed to come back to KE and be part of this team who did years of KE Trug teams proud, and be led by the greatest captain and vice-captain SHERLYN ONG and CASSANDRA NG respectively, without them there will be no KE Trug girls to speak of this IHG. Many will not know what shit I left them in to take over the team, making it more challenging to get coaching budget because of our less than ideal IHG result last year. I don’t know how they did what they did but I believe it was their passion and conviction that made others believe in us. They were the inspiration of our team and the driving force which led the team to such commendable results. It was also because of them that made the BESTEST BUT MOST AWKWARD COACH RAIHAN hard to leave us HEHEHEHEHE. Also mother thankful to the seniors who kept returning to train with us and coach us and always assisting the captains, thank you old man linhui, Mr and Mrs Tim.

I wish I could play more touch IHGs. It was so dam fun!! One line scared me but I guess coach had a reason for it and during KR’s game, I saw the difference compared to the past 2 experiences with KR being our first match (yes, somehow the fixtures never ever change, weird there ah convening). So glad that no one showed fear on the field, we just wanted to defend our best and attack well. WE WANTED THE BALL. We showed others that KE is not a hall to be trifled with and nothing can stop us if we want to achieve something. It was heartwarming to see the fire burning in each and every one of us, the trust that we had in our teammates. Aiyo I really don’t know how to put everything into words, it has to be experienced and remembered in my heart. JUST SUPER PROUD OF THE TEAM, THE FRESHIES AND SENIORS, FOR SHOWING SO MUCH RESILIENCE AND FIGHTING FOR A COMMON DREAM. Especially the freshies (making an assumption) because IHG may not mean as much to you as the seniors, seniors having regrets and whatnot. But nonetheless, the time, sweat and effort that you girls put in was no less than anyone else on the team (maybe except the captains HAHAH). Seniors, thank you for staying on. All of you were mini-coaches to the juniors and are great strength and encouragement to the captains:) Aiyo you know in my heart I am dam thankful to everyone I just don’t know how to express it maybe I am slightly autistic. BUT AIYO LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!

This year’s season was the shortest one but the sweetest one. I will miss the 10 mins run warmups, the passing, dumping, splitting with the JOGGING BACK, the driving, the square passing, Aeroplane, Boy, Chiobu/Crash, Danger, submove, TB, cornering STRAIGHT (Ryan, Dec 2014), jumping jacks, push ups, sit ups, confusing 3 line drills, washing boots and splashing water, making the sink ever so dirty. I already miss training knowing that there will be no more training. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY MONDAYS< WEDNESDAYS AND SATURDAYS!! It really has ended I am so sad:(

IHG and trainings are now over but the bonds remain. Thank you so much KE Trug for the best 3 years of my life.

KE TRUG is the best thing that has happened in my life. Thank you thank you thank you for being part of this best thing:)

P.S. Pardon the incoherent language, I have not typed in a long time and my english is so cui to begin with and I am overwhelmed with emotions, unable to express them the way I want:/

My Second Home

Posted in Uncategorized on July 11, 2014 by Michelle Kwek

Less than 2 years ago, I checked into King Edward VII Hall. Checked into this small little hole of about 3m by 3m. I was impressed by the L-shaped table and that was about it. The moment I stepped into the room, I wanted to check out and just forget about experiencing hall and just go home and enjoy the comfort. It was so so dusty and my mum and I had to mop/clean the surfaces/floor about 11 times. Seriously?! Brought in my bolster and pillow and tried to comfort myself that I was about to have more privacy. My initial plan was to stay for 2 weeks then check out if I cannot adapt.

Being the anti-social me, I hanged out with KAPPA (my og) and was not very friendly toward my neighbours but the ice was broken when Inter-Block Games came and Sophia wanted to study-.- Night after night we played different sports and without realising, E3 was unseparable.

School soon became non-existent and trainings took over my life. Late night suppers and just talking crap caused me to miss classes. I screwed up my school-play balance but at that point, I didn’t care. I was enjoying life:)

Now, it is finally my turn to move out of hall. I will no longer own a room in hall. No longer have a hole I can retreat into. No longer have aim of IHG to work towards. No longer have neighbours who I can randomly BOO and scare them. No longer be able to bathe beside my friends. No longer.. No longer..No longer…

As I was packing up, I couldn’t help but just break down. It just hit upon me that my life will have this gaping hole that nothing can fill. All these times will be memories and something that I will never experience again. I didn’t know it would hurt this much. I haven’t succeeded in getting the gold for TRUG and SQUASH and I no longer have the chance to. Bloody painful. F***.

Everyone I have met through hall has contributed to my hall experience, something which I would trade nothing for. Though it was short, I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you for being in hall when I was in hall. Thank you thank you thank you.

Trug 12/13 & 13/14, 57th JCRC, E3 girls, half of G5, Squash 12/13 & 13/14, KEWOC 13/14, SMC 13/14, Frisbee 12/13 & 13/14, Netball 13/14, Handball 13/14, Soccer 12/13, OCIP Laos 12/13, KAPPA, Sports captains, MAB 12/13, CSS 13/14, Sports Council 13/14, just everyone in general, THANK YOU, I ENJOYED MYSELF TO THE FULLEST.

Don’t want to specially mention anyone because the list is just too long (i typed and deleted everything cause it went on and on and on), anyone whom I have interacted with, thank you and I will miss you guys.

Don’t know if I will have the time to come back, suffering right now cause my first 2 years of school were non-existent, but even if I do, it will no longer be the same.

Farewell my second home.

It’s a break up.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 16, 2014 by Michelle Kwek

It’s about time that I sit down and consolidate my thoughts calmly, after crying my eyes out yesterday. hmmm.. this post may not be very long but it will probably take me a while to type it out with my right last 2 fingers being unable to exert much force, even just to type.

Before anything, I would like to dedicate this post to the KE Touch team 13/14 I’ve played with and also KE Touch team 12/13 (although only huiming knows about this blog ahhah). And also my beloved coach, Raihan.

Thank you, thank you for letting me start my trug journey with a bang!

I still remember IBG 2012 touch rugby, Adela, Grace, Sophia and I playing for E block on the field. We didn’t know shit about the game and sophia literally flew out of the field after getting a touch by Tasha. I kept complaining about how the ball was not round and how counter-intuitive it is to have the ball thrown backwards after running so hard with it trying to gain distance, and having to stand behind the player with the ball when we wanted to gain ground.

Then came CCA fair and somehow I was bent on joining KE Touch, placing it on a higher priority than squash, something I was so comfortable with. Probably because Cheryl and Max sold the CCA really well, and many from my OG signed up to join:)

First training came and I had fun, still complaining about the awkward shape of the ball and how the game made no sense having to pass it backwards. Few trainings on, we were taught that the real game had something called roll ball instead of the tap and pass during IBG after getting a touch. I was mind-Fed then:/ and we were taught 3-ups. Training after training we did 3-ups and I could not understand why we kept doing to same old boring thing which I saw no purpose in. Still, teammates made trainings enjoyable and I looked forward to each training. Then one fine training, coach appeared, and I was intimidated. He lacked smiles and enforced suicides. My performance during training sessions with him just plummeted but I could not do anything about it, I was just scared. I cannot remember exactly when was the first time I saw coach execute some moves on the field, probably against the guys team when he sidestepped so swiftly and it was just a pleasure watching him handle the ball so smoothly. I was in awe. I was full of admiration. I respected coach. Later on we started doing Splits (S1 & S2) and progressed to ‘A’ and ‘B’ for blue zone attack (okay until this season, I never knew that was called blue zone:/). I was given the position of the link, a position I felt was insignificant, where the weakest player was placed, the position with no glory. But despite what I thought, I just wanted to play my role well. It was the last training before IHG day and the girls were performing badly, not sure if it was due to pre-IHG jitters or not. Number of dropballs were record breaking and from being angry, it seemed like coach took pity on us and gave up on being angry. IHG came and went by (can refer to my previous post about it). Regrets filled me as we lost to teams we could have won, drew teams we could have won. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the whole process:)

I then took over the team from Cheryl together with Huiming and we were determined to see better results this year. Everything remains clear in my mind. How Tim and I sat on the SRC spectator stands with Raihan, asking him to come back and coach us, letting him know that this year we wanted to see results. And coach agreed to come back and coach us:)

First training came and I was so worried. There will be no coach for the first few trainings, just Tim and I with the seniors to guide the freshman. I was not like Cheryl who had prior touch experience in JC, I was a nobody, I was just a link who picked up the dumps of my teammates. But Tim and the seniors helped out a lot and trainings went smoothly. One-by-one, people started quitting because they realised the sport did not suit them or they preferred the other CCAs they had joined. I started worrying, asking Max non-stop what was happening, if I would end up with a team with less than 16 players. But after a while, the quitting ceased and I had a team of 18 players:) After a few trainings, coach appeared again and this time, I was still scared of him but I was thankful that he was here. Just his first training with us, he taught us a 6 men move, shuffling the cones around quickly to show us the running lines of players and how the ball has to travel. It was new to the freshman, it was new to seniors, once again, I was mind-Fed. Coach said he was going to take on a new approach this year, leaving the basics for Tim and I to teach the team and he will teach the team more advanced stuff. And first training with coach, I sprained my ankle-.- well done michellekwek. Soon after, coach taught us the sub-move and I kept thinking what was the point of the sub-move when we could just sub out simply by out pods. But coach does not teach new things just for the sake of teaching new things.

It then came the holidays. The training that I came up with gathered a lot of feedback. “4 times a week training?!”, “Isn’t it too excessive?” and I believe coach was shocked too because it was KE Touch’s tradition to slack off during the holidays. But No, no amount of training is too excessive. “Popcorn” then came about as a blue zone attack move and we took a long time refining it, even till 2 trainings before IHG. Training in the hot sun was so different from evening trainings. It sapped our energy and drained us all. PT with a lot of running, weird and crazy warmup drills by coach then smacked us in our faces. But still, I was enjoying training and looking forward to mondays, tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays:)

The the girls had our first ever friendly with SH. It was mad. But it marked the baseline of our performance. Middle middle losing the ball at the blue zone, 3-ups with both runners running 10m laterally apart, penalties against us. It was mad. It was also the first time I played centre, as well as the “no-glory” link. We lost 4-0 and I was depressed. But we were determined to bounce back stronger and fiercer. Training camp came and it was intensive training with friendly against SP, ice bath, doing weird exercises along the NUS pool, running in and out of the shower, interesting whiteboard sessions. And again, trauma injury to my right quads which caused me to be out of action for 2 weeks:/ Holidays ended and training reverted back to twice a week with occassional saturday sessions but PT increased. Before I could go back for training, I sprained my ankle once again during handball IHG and I was out again for 2/3 weeks. Still remember how I sobbed after the injury, afraid that I will not be able to play for IHG Touch. We had a friendly with Eusoff which I could only stand by the side and watch on, we lost 2-1 which I was not very happy with although the score was probably unexpected for most (in a good way) but the tries we conceded were NOT LEGIT. Then coach told me that we had to cut players soon because now we had 19 plus cheryl coming back it would be 20. It was difficult and once again, I was stressed over it. Honestly, it is amazing how stressed I have been over Trug. People who know me know that I am not easily stressed, school work will never make me stressed, results will never make me stressed. It’s not that I am easily stressed over trug but it is because it means the world to me, it means family. Coach and I had long conversations over whatsapp and face-to-face and I was no longer scared of him, I love him (as a coach):)  I returned for training and we had a friendly against KPMG and once again, there was improvement for the girls team. Since the SH friendly, we were going up, and only up and I was proud of my team. The lines were more or less set and we were specialising in our positions. I was playing centre with Grace, really an honour for me and I am glad that we could play together. I started learning how to dive and everyone was peaking, slowly but surely. We played a friendly against TH and we won 2-1. Really, we were going up and only up. Last few trainings leading up to IHG, our defense was improving, our attack was getting sharper, everything was going well. I was all excited for IHG.

IT CAME. The male and female teams fought hard but results just doesn’t show it. It is sad. After the EH match my hand was hurting. I tried to practise with Grace doing the splits, dumping was a painful affair, and so was throwing and catching. But I did not want to sit out. I told myself if I am going to play, I jolly well play my usual standard if not exceed it. Every pop-pass from YiNing to me during 3-ups, I focused extra hard to catch the ball because my left thumb and my right last 2 fingers had no power. Each time I dumped it was with extra concentration. Each time I made a pass I turned my body more than I normally would to compensate for the lack of power because the last 2 fingers give the “finishing touch” to each throw if you understand what I mean, but I no longer had that. Spamming cold spray just didn’t help but when you are on the field, you won’t know what pain is. I dropped the ball at the blue zone again SH and I was utterly disappointed. That was the first drop ball for me during that day and it had to be at the blue zone with 2/3 more touches left. I just cost a try.

After the match, I did something I shouldn’t have; Crying in front of my team. I tried to hold it in. I really did. From the first KR match, I held in my tears of anger when we conceded 3 tries. During EH match, I fought to keep my tears in after failing to square-touch my opponent, allowing the dummy-break and subsequently the pass out for the try. The tears came out later on, just a bit, as tears of happiness each time Max scored a try against KR. Once again, tears of anger built up in my when we let in a try by TH. But by SH, I just could not hold it in.

To my team, thanks for making this whole journey a great one. I would not exchange it for anything else in this world. The memories are so precious and I will hold them close to my heart. Thanks for fighting hard and I am proud of each and everyone’s performance. Against TH and EH especially, we did well. They were close matches. We really peaked during IHG, but I guess our peak was just not enough.

To coach, thank you coach, for starting my touch journey. Thank you for replying me at 2/3am when I randomly think of trug and whatsapp you my questions and opinions. Thank you for everything coach. You are my inspiration.

To Tim, Huiming and Kaixiang, well done guys:) And thank you for being there for me.

To Max, thanks for listening to me rant and question non-stop yesterday, wiped my tears and mucus while you starved. Thanks for teaching me so much, answered my questions about the game at weird and random times of the day.

No more tears I hope, my eyes are hurting and I am exhausted. But each time I think of a try conceded, it still feels like a stab in my heart. I was just telling Max, how much I am hurting now is how I felt during the break up 2 years ago. I don’t know why it is so bloody painful. I enjoyed yesterday though, playing the game, understanding the game so much better than the previous IHG. And now knowing how important a link is. In fact, there is no one position where you can put a weak player. As Cass mentioned,” the team is as strong as the weakest link (player).” The training sessions after I returned from my second sprain were the best sessions of my life, even with the suicides and flags.

Looking back at the past 2 years, the experience with KE Trug is the best experience of my life. I am grateful to everyone who has played a role in making it the mostest awesomest (Max’s Language).

For the past 5 months, my life revolved around KE Touch, changing my diet to no spicy food for the last 3 weeks, planning my life around training. I am going to miss training. I already feel so empty. I am missing my teammates.

IHG has ended for me. The second and last IHG I will experience. The best. With the best team.

Thank you guys for everything. I enjoyed it thoroughly:)